Dear ABBY: middle-aged girl takes no responsibility in life

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DEAR ABBY: My 40-year-old daughter has never grown up. Until recently, she relied on her grandmother to accomplish her goals. Her grandmother passed away, and now I am all she has. After being fired from her job in the civil Service and evicted from her apartment, she broke her leg in a walking accident. I put him in an apartment and supported him for several months.

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Once her leg is healed, she has a beginner-level job to return to, however long it takes. I don’t think it pays enough for her to live. I offered to pay for training on everything she is interested in, but she shows no interest in a part-time job to help with bills. I can’t believe what he tells me because he never learned responsibility, responsibility or honesty.

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She has now quit texting me because I called her out on her constant excuses, lies and half-truths. I’m committed to paying her rent until her leg is fully healed, but then what? Do I let him go on the road in the hope that he will learn responsibility? I know what can happen, and it will happen. To say that she is unprepared is an understatement. – FATHER FED UP IN CALIFORNIA

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DEAR FATHER: Until your daughter learns that there are consequences for her irresponsibility, lack of accountability, and lying, she will become increasingly dependent on your generosity. That she no longer responds to your texts can be a plus.

Continue the agreement you have with her until her leg heals and finally, let her live with the consequences. It’s the only way she can learn. The alternative is to continue supporting him as if he were a child for the rest of your life.

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DEAR ABBY: I am an attractive, capable and emotionally intelligent 43-year-old woman who has been divorced for almost eight years. I met during that time, I even had a five-year relationship with someone I thought would be my future husband, but that turned out to be a waste of time. I ended my relationship three months ago and I’m ready to meet again.

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My problem is that I have an aversion to online dating. Most of my relationships have been with men I’ve met through other means, but I think I may have to use this tool to meet people as I’m very busy at work and am a single mother of two children (ages 15 and 11). Joining a group or a club can be difficult and I don’t have many friends who can fix me. How can I make this process more enjoyable? LOOKING FOR LOVE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR LOOKING: Online dating is enjoyable for some people and disgusting for others. If the dating pool in your city has shrunk, you may have little choice other than to sign up for some dating apps. Talk to some of your friends and relatives and ask for some pointers. More than a few successful matches have been made online, but understand that it’s a sifting process and you need to be prepared to face disappointment if what you want doesn’t happen right away. Continue, Don’t personalize it (“if at first you don’t succeed …”) and accept that every failure increases the chances of success down the line.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P. o. Box 69440, Los Angeles, that 90069.

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